I’m nervous this morning. The kids went back to school today. I didn’t realize how much stress school is causing us until I had to face sending them back. Most of it’s stuff that’s completely out of my hands: Thomas feels like he has to be class clown to have friends, Emma’s teacher doesn’t seem to like her, Liz’s class is full of those who attended the local private pre-school instead of the Head Start like she did, if you get my drift. I know in my heart that we have tried and will continue to try to raise our kids to be confident examples of Christ and that the traumas of today will be the funny memories of tomorrow. Still, every slight and dig and pathetic attempt hurts- both them and me.
And then there’s the stuff I do have a little control over: Thomas’s dyslexia accommodations, Emma’s homework assignments, etc. I’m a wuss. I don’t like to make waves. I don’t like to feel as if people are annoyed with me. I don’t want to be that mom. You know the one- loud, annoying, persistent, obtuse, the one that everyone dreads seeing. I don’t want to be that mom mostly because, as we’ve established, I’m a wuss, but also because I don’t want my children to be labeled and treated badly because I am that mom. On the other hand, I’m really tired of being nice. Nice is getting me nowhere. Nice is getting me pats on the head and I’m still that mom to some extent.
Bffw says take ‘em out. Homeschool. Skip the rhetoric and platitudes. Spare myself the drama and the trauma. And that’s great for her, but homeschooling has never interested me. Not even a little. Jack and I’ve talked about it as a last resort for Thomas, but only if the school can not or will not address his special needs.
My sister says go proactive and sue their butts. As an elementary principal, she’s very well versed in the ins and outs of the battles we’re fighting. She’s over hearing me whine about it all and thinks we should make them toe the line.
But I’m a wuss (and apparently a lazy one since I don’t want to homeschool). So I’m praying. And setting yet another meeting. And praying.
I’m praying I can be a good mama, that our kids are confident and feel safe in our love for them. I’m praying I can be the advocate that my children need. I’m praying for their teachers and for the administration. I’m praying a lot.
Am I the only one? Is there anyone else out there who is having to become that mom? Can the that mom’s of the world unite?