Golden Rules for Not Dying While Living Under My Roof

I’m thinking of having the following Golden Rules for Living, written by Miriam Hamilton Keare and published often by Ann Landers, tattooed to the insides of my kids eyelids so they’ll see them every time they blink. I’m also considering the use of constant repetition recordings for use while they’re asleep. I’ve made a few minor adjustments and added a few rules I’m sure Ms. Keare wanted to include, but was trying to be nice.

  • If you open it, close it.
  • If you turn it on, turn it off.
  • If you unlock it, lock it up it requires a key, walk away.
  • If you break it, admit it.
  • If you can’t fix it, call in someone who can please don’t tell your daddy or it will end up in a drawer or the garage waiting to fixed until you outgrow it.
  • If you borrow it, return it in the same condition as when you borrowed it.
  • If you value it, take care of it or you’ll have no grounds to whine when I throw it away.
  • If you make a mess, clean it up.
  • If you move it, put it back.
  • If it belongs to someone else, get permission to use it.
  • If you don’t know how to operate it, leave it alone.
  • If it’s none of your business, don’t ask questions. Hearing your name does not necessarily mean it’s your business.
  • If it will brighten someone’s day, say it, but only if it’s true.
  • If it will tarnish someone’s reputation, keep it to yourself even if it’s true.
  • If you sleep on it, make it up.
  • If you wear it, hang it up or place it in the dirty clothes hamper but only if it’s actually dirty!
  • If you drop it, or someone else drops it pick it up.
  • If you eat out of it, wash it up.
  • If you empty it, fill it up throw away the container and inform an adult.

4 thoughts on “Golden Rules for Not Dying While Living Under My Roof

  1. Sounds good to me except the part about dying–just make them wish they were. I love you very much. School starts Monday–it will be better.

  2. Dieing?????
    sounds like our rules on the back of the doors, right, only i only had 9 or 10 and one was ” no basketball in the house”

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